Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
