no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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