i jhust puked up my retainher.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
