i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
