Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
