Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
