What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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