tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
