Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
