Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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