STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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