So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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