Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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