Redeem this text for a blowjob
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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