She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
