you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
