She said her name was "party"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
