Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
