wat bout pragnant strippers??
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
