There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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