I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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