life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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