I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
