So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
