I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
