my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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