Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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