i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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