The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
