Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found a bag of teeth...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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