the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
nutella sex= disaster
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
