Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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