I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
