but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
