Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
where am i from again
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
