If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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