when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
what day is it and did you see me today?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
