guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
not ubering you a puppy
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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