I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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