First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
