it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
