Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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