just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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