is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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