i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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