Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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