You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
