If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
