you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
