babies were throwing up all over the place
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
be right there i have to get my cape
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
