piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
