Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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