I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
